This week we’re preparing for the Oscars. From salivating over menus that have been accidentally ‘leaked’ ahead of the big night, to lusting after gowns, laughing at last-minute presenter panics, furiously writing prediction pieces and hoping – really hoping – that Kathryn Bigelow triumphs over ex husband James Cameron in the best film awards. It’s not just that the Avatar director has recycled his boy-meets-girl plot in blue alien form, that the 3D effects are little substitute for a subplot, or even that his non-mammal protagonists are inexplicably blessed with DD breasts. No, it’s that every other male over the age of 15 thinks it’s great and wants to talk about it. A lot. And that’s only going to get worse if it wins. Vote Bigelow, for sanity’s sake.
Has the world learned nothing from Tiger Woods? We all know that in the wrong hands a mobile phone can be a dangerous weapon and even the best of us have texted while under the influence and lived to regret it. And yet, so far this month, we’ve had Ashley Cole, Vernon Kay and John Terry all hitting the headlines due to their alleged illicit texting behaviour.
Are they looking for an escape route? Are they insane? Are they woefully under-briefed on the costs of contemporary divorce settlements? Fiona ‘Steel Magnolia’ Shackleton should prepare for a field day.
I arose this morning to glorious sunshine. Brixton lay before me and a brand new day was mine for the taking. Now it’s dark outside, someone’s removed the old sofa from outside my front door (my only means of identifying which flat was mine) and I have been verbally abused no less than three times by kindly neighbours irate at my efforts to fit my keys into their front doors. If only someone hadn’t stolen the house number last week.
It is a truth, universally acknowledged, that a journalist in posession of any form of technical knowhow should be in posession of a website. So here’s mine. Only I had a little help. This site has been built with loving care by the excellent Rhodri Marsden and is intended to bring together all the various strands of my work floating out there in cyberspace.
I’ll try to update this as often as I can, and do let me know what you think via email (down there, to the right, see?), twitter (@helenswitter), or telepathy – depending on how inspired you’re feeling.